is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
