i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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