i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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