are you still at the devil's house?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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