Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
