I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
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Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
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tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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