when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
