he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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