if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize