Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
