careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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