I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
