my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
