I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
