Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He keeps bees of course he's weird
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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