Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
