I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
