You're so nebulous sometimes
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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