At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just pee around me
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
