My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
pop tarts are not kleenex
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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