My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
