i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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