i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
