whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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