Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
They have beer where we have blood.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
