y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
