Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
