Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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