in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
