Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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