No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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