Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
