dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
