I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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