You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
