Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize