Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
