Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
