Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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