She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
