some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
