I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
