This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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