i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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