Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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