I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
