Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
