i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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