I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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