there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
