the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
