obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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