Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
