T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
