why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
