Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
