all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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