Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
that's an acceptable place to lick
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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