Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
