I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
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You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
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I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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