they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I can't turn off my feet"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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