At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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