I hate your face
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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