I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just google imaged poop.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
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The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
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Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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