I can text with my tongue
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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