Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.