honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
