Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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