this beer tastes like vomit already
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice