literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
