just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
