My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
