Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
