May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
