Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
