There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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