he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dicks are not precious.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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