I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
