where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
