the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
