Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
