i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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