New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He shit in the fireplace
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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