What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Randomize
