it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
