the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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