nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
